Life, love and rugby

Margaret Polly Godinet-Tuilagi has taught her sons to work for what they want in life.

Be humble. Respect. And don’t ride on the fame of their father and uncles.

Like their father, prominent rugby player, Lauaki Fereti Tuilagi and their uncles, Alesana, Vavae, Anitele’a, Enele and Manu, Brian and Frederic are fast following in their footsteps.

The boys, who are more than six foot tall, are studying in England and contracted with rugby clubs there.

“But we keep telling them, you’re not Manu Tuilagi, you’re not Henry Tuilagi, you are yourself,” she says.“Don’t expect to be successful in the rugby world because you’re a Tuilagi and you can play easy. You’ve got to motivate yourself and show your talents.”

Rugby has always been a part of her sons’ lives. In 2000, their uncle Alesana lived with them in England.

He trained at the academy and two years later, was selected for Manu Samoa.

When he first moved to England, Fereti was playing rugby league and switched to rugby union in 2000. It was after the Rugby Union World Cup in 1995, that he was contracted by a club in England. Over the years, he brought over his brothers, Anitelea, Enele, Vavae and then Manu.

They lived under one roof at their home at Leicester. Enele and Vavae now play for France.

In England, thanks to rugby, the Tuilagi surname is huge. And there is always that challenge for the boys to prove themselves as individuals.

For Mrs.Tuilagi, it’s important for her children to believe in themselves and be positive. It’s also important that they have faith in God and that before every game, they spend time in prayer.

And when her sons are on the field, for Mrs.Tuilagi, it’s always a relief when the game has ended. “Watching my husband, when he was playing, I was never worried, he was strong and he was big. But watching my kids play, oh, I tell you, ... I try not to worry, I pray.”

Before every game, Brian texts or calls her. Both sons know that she will pray for them.

“As a mother it’s very hard. It’s a weird feeling that comes in you. You can’t sit still. It’s a relief when the game is finished!”

Mrs Tuilagi was in Samoa for two weeks and before returning on Wednesday, spoke with the Sunday Samoan on her life as a mother, her separation from her husband and the fulfilment in completing her Master’s Degree.

It’s been twenty years since her family migrated to England, where they are now citizens.

In 2013, she completed aMSc. Accounting and Financing from De Montford University at Leicester, England. Mrs.Tuilagi now works as an Investment Management Finance Administrator, at Brewin Dolphin, which is one of the biggest stock broking companies that deals with financial planning and investment management in the United Kingdom.

Prior to that, Mrs.Tuilagi and her sons lived in Samoa from 2008 to 2011. She worked as a Senior Accounts Office at SIFA while her sons went to Robert Louis Stevenson School where Brian was Head Boy.

On their return to England, her and Fereti were already separated. It was hard to get a job and she realised that she needed to continue her studies.

It was also her way of moving on to financial independence and not having to rely on anyone for support.

“I was thinking if I get this, it opens doors to any job. This is what I’ve always wanted to get.”

And it would also help her when she finally moves back to live in Samoa, once her boys are settled.

It is her wish that they do well in both studies and rugby. They are also very good at soccer. But as long as they are able to balance these talents with their studies towards completing a degree, she’s happy.

One can make six figure sums in playing rugby but Mrs Tuilagi says, it’s a short career. Once you reach age 35 or 36, or get injured, at least that university degree is there to fall back on.

During her studying days, Mrs Tuilagi was also looking after her sons. There was a lot of pressure and she also had her marriage problems to deal with. But she says her faith in God and that determination for financial independence kept her going.

“I knew my husband and their brothers were financially secure but I didn’t want to be dependent on anyone. I just wanted to be on my own, be able to provide for my kids, give them what they ask for.”

Mrs Tuilagi said that people realize how hard it is being married to a rugby player. The husbands are rarely home. As a mother, you’re left to raise the children and fill in roles as both Mum and Dad. The husbands train, come home and rest. There are chores to attend to and dropping off and picking up the children.

Although the contract brings financial security and a home, you still have roles as a normal Samoan wife. While the palagi would hire house help, for a Samoan, it was different.

And there was always the money to send to Samoa for special occasions or for the parents.

For them, that was important.

And when the marriage started to fall apart, for Mrs Tuilagi, it was one of the most painful experiences in life.

She is thankful for the support received from friends at church, her family and the priests who offered spiritual advice.

“I trusted in the Lord and I fought for my kids. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t a stupid person. I just wanted to get going, move on, be happy, be myself. Step up and go on.”

And stepping up also motivated her to go back to studies and get that degree.

“It was the biggest successful thing I did to be independent. I challenged myself to support my kids.”

Her and Fereti are on good terms now and Mrs.Tuilagi will always be grateful to him for the opportunity to move to England.

“Whatever’s happening with my marriage now, he’s the person who supported me financially, with his love and bringing his brothers over. Whatever he’s doing, he’s the father of my children. I respect him and this is what I tell my children to do.”

But it was not easy. For Mrs.Tuilagi, they had married in a Catholic Church. She did not want her children to grow up without a father. She tried to hold onto their marriage, hold onto keeping the family together for the sake of their sons.

There were times where she would question herself and God. But there was that moment of realization where Mrs.Tuilagi accepted that perhaps God had other plans.

“Without God, I would probably be gone.

There were suicidal thoughts when I couldn’t handle the pain. I did manage to get out of it.

Why would I hold onto something that’s not there anymore? Go on. Step up. Move on! It was hard.”

And based on the Bible, she has chosen to stay married because the commitment was made in church. No man can separate a husband and wife. Only God can."

“If I’m in God’s plans, whatever God has for me, I thank the Lord. I’m blessed!”

Mrs.Tuilagi encourages any woman going through such problems in their marriage to move on.

“Why hang onto something that isn’t there anymore? You’ve got to be with the Lord who gives you all the strength. And the freedom you get! The peace you feel inside you when you reach out to the Lord! It’s amazing!

Go back and study. Look after your family.

And keep your faith in the Lord.

“YOLO. You Only Live Once,” she said laughing.