A mother’s living hell

“When we first became a couple, he was a different man. He was a good husband until three months later, he started to hit me. Sometimes, the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain from the things he says to me. He calls me names and I find many of them unbelievable”

Alisi* is tired of it. So much so sometimes she wishes she wasn't born.

“I am nine months pregnant and this is our third child,” she says.

“But my husband has been abusing me. It has been this way since we became a couple. He is still doing it."

“I don’t know why, and I keep asking myself what have I done wrong to be treated like this?”

Alisi lives in a village close to town. Tired of the abuse she is getting from her husband, she contacted the Samoa Observer wanting to tell her story.

“I don't know if I’m such a bad person or if there are other people like me out there,” she says. “I’ve seen so much talk about domestic violence and I used to think that it only applies to the people who are involved with those workshops."

“But I also keep thinking that there has got to be a way.”

At 26-years-old, Alisi tells of how her husband was the “man of my dreams” when they first met.

“When we first became a couple, he was a different man. He was a good husband until three months later, he started to hit me."

“Sometimes, the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain from the things he says to me. He calls me names and I find many of them unbelievable.”

Alisi, who is a stay-home-mother, says her eyes are for her husband only.

“And yet he thinks I’m having an affair. Even when I stay at home, he doesn’t trust me. I don’t know why."

“I should be the one who gets jealous because he is the one who leaves me at home and he goes off to work. I don't know if he’s doing anything he shouldn't be doing but I know that’s between him and God. I trust him. I love him.”

So why did she decide to speak up?

“I didn’t want to talk at first because I thought it was going to get better,” says Alisi. “But to be honest, it is getting worse. I’m fearful for the life of my unborn baby.”

She also wants to rest and live a happy life.

“I’m tired of this life and I’m tired of living like a slave,” she says, crying.

“I want to rest because to tell you the truth, I’m beginning to go crazy because of this. I can’t handle the beating, it’s just too much.”

Asked if she had approached the Police, she said yes.

“I lodged a complaint with the Police and I spoke to a female officer. She then contacted the man (husband) to come over to the police station to sort out the issue."

“We had a talk and he made some promises which resulted in my complaint being dropped. But he has gone back to his old self and the beating now is very frequent.”

Last week, Alisi went to the Samoa Victim Support Group to seek for help.

“I had nowhere else to go and I can’t trust anyone so that is the reason why I went to the Samoa Victim Support because I know they are my only hope.”

Asked how the S.V.S.G could help her, she said they are helping her arrange a protection order for her.

“I want to file another complaint against him and I want him to be out of my life and my children’s lives forever."

“He has been verbally and physically abusing me and I am willing to tell everything and do everything so that he will be out of our lives for good.”

She says the beating over the years has left her in a very bad state.

“I’m weak and I know I can’t stand against him because he’s strong physically so all I can do is cry and hide my face when he hits me."

“To tell you the truth, I’m broken into a million pieces, I don’t feel good about myself anymore and when I look in the mirror, I feel disgusted about myself.”

The President of the Samoa Victim Support Group, Lina Chang, says Alisi’s story is one of many stories they have to listen to.

“This is what we are facing every day,” she says.

“What we can do to these victims is support them and actually listen to them and at the end, help them in any way we can."

“Most of these victims that come to us, we just let them talk. Through the process in many cases, you can tell right away how the violence inflicted against them has ruined their lives.”

Ms Chang says many victims feel worthless. Some have accepted the violence and blame themselves for it.

“They have a low self esteem and they don’t want to go out to the public anymore because of what they have been through for so long."

“So what we do is give them hope again, encourage them that they can start over."

“We train them on how to cook, do flowers sewing and all of that, we also give them places to live and tell them that they are worth something in life and they should never give up.”

The S.V.S.G has since secured a protection order against Alisi’s husband.

*The real name of the victim has been changed to protect her. Her village is also withheld.